How old do you sound?

Just as others make judgments about who we are in terms of gender, region, and ethnicity, they also make inferences and judgments about how old we sound, and whether this is “appropriate” given our actual age. Many people with social communication challenges pride themselves on always speaking correctly and having an excellent vocabulary (just as we are taught we should in schools). This “professorial” style may not be too much of a social handicap if you actually are a distinguished scholar, or of an age where you could be one – but it presents a real barrier to social interaction if you’re a child, teenager, or young adult.

As you may have noticed yourself, the same displays of verbal proficiency that gain you praise from adults when you’re five may cause discomfort in others when you’re twelve or twenty. Instead of thinking “Isn’t he a smart little fellow!” people think “Why is he so stiff and formal?” Just as your body changes as you mature, people expect your language to change – not just gaining new vocabulary, but acquiring different styles for different occasions, becoming increasingly strategic in your use of politeness strategies.

Life Stages & Communication Styles

Obviously, age is a continuum, and some people mature faster than others. To try to keep things simple, we’re going to focus on changes we expect to see as you move from child to teenager and young adult to mature adult. Once you’re fully established in adulthood, the changes in communication style are more subtle, and unlikely to trigger harsh social judgments.

Children

Teenagers & Young Adults (to mid-to-late-20’s)

Mature Adulthood (30’s and up)

Exercise: